Plato
finally... the end of 2006... [
Nick
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4:01 PM ]
what can i say about 2006? a slow start but a hectic finish. a myriad of different emotions and experiences. i swear the guy up there left everything till december.
i remember 2006 as a year of...
1) death: my hamster and more recently, my godfather Desmond.
2) "almost": a feeling i got throughout the year... and finally a word to describe it all... during ivp, in my dating life, studies, friendships... virtually everything.
3) life lessons: that age does not matter, treasuring what you have and protecting yourself.
4) friendships: got myself close friends from my internship company, fostered better friendships from some from the team... started a new one with 2 cats (who are sound asleep now)
5) knowing my own limitations: in floorball and when i was doing my internship.
6) biking: finally got that damn licence. after 3 years.
7) disappointments: family, friends, and many more.
2007... no specific hopes to do anything. it's still better not to hope for anything and let things come as they may. sometimes hoping too much can be suicide. for when there's hope, the disappointments hit harder.
now that the author here is no longer a kid, he must learn to take disappointments better. that's his only wish for 2007.
goodbye to a stupid year.
another simple xmas eve again this year... really don't see the need and the want to squeeze with people out there anymore... it's kind of nice in a way... lazing around at home... with those 2 rascals running around... listening to nice music... what a way to end off the day =] [
Nick
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10:51 PM ]
all i need now is a massage chair.
what a rough few days it has been... been exercising almost everyday... and i guess it's good... finally shed all the excess pounds from interning at stats... and playing this regularly has given me a different outlook in life as well... more or less my priority lies in sports and spending time with my friends... quite a different shift in how i viewed life at the beginning of the year... i guess in this space of a year... i've changed.
my temper's getting from bad to worse... and i'm less patient than before... little matters that didn't seem to irk me when i was younger now annoy me to hell... and i get angry more easily nowadays...
i also feel that over this year... i'm beginning to close-up... i'm no longer that open about myself to others... being more reserved nowadays... maybe this is the kind of "protecting" myself that Bro always mentions... i've forgotten how it feels to love and to be loved... and that might be a sad thing by itself...
a year of less ups than downs... but at this point of the year... it's always better to count the blessings.
probably one of the blessings that i've recieved this year that's keeping my patience and temper in check are the boys... Riley and Wiley... it's really good training when they start biting ur toes and meowing at 6:30am for food and you resist the temptation to want to strangle them... haahaa.
another blessing is having known people whom i could really communicate with... colleagues from STATS, the guys from the FB team... people i couldn't have done without when faced with all kinds of problems coming left right and centre...
not forgetting old friends like Bro, the PL gang and many others i'm lazy to mention here... thanks for all the support given this year...
like what my friend says.. "this year did not have a pretty finale"... and it is really not pretty... december was way too happening... it's amazing how things can turn around in the matter of days... even hours... life is just too unpredictable for my liking...
as they say... "carpe diem!"... sieze the day! it's never too late to change... just the unwillingness to... it's only too late when we're dead and gone.
a lot has been said about maturity as well... but what exactly is maturity? i guess it differs from person to person... but the bottom line is... being able to distinguish truth from fiction, being able to siphon emotions from logical thinking... being able to be calm and rational when the situation calls for it...
i guess different people grow up differently and at different speeds... life experiences play a huge part as well...
my life experiences are taking me down this path... what's yours?
a big sorry to all the people i have disappointed.
haven't been updating much... having just come back from Mersing on Sunday, having good chats... hmm just when it seemed all nice and rosy once again... things always have to happen. [
Nick
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12:08 PM ]
kinda disappointing that i'm not going to play with Denis and Aik this IVP... and i guess they are damn disappointed as well... at least Weijing and Baolai's still around... and they look like they are most likely to make the team... i better buck up too... if i want to play with them for my last school tournament ever...
another 2 things happened in quick succession today... and both involved major decisions... and no matter how they may turn out... i hope it's for the best.
take care... all of you.
talking to you always makes me feel happy... thanks for bringing me out of that very rough patch recently. [
Nick
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12:44 AM ]
[
Nick
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12:11 AM ]
I miss the weather in Genting... 18 degrees and i was walking around in a polo and jeans... shiok sia... singapore's too darn hot... couldn't sleep last night and this afternoon cos it was just too warm...
genting was slightly disappointing... didn't get to go to the theme park... and geez... i was expecting something like Vegas for the casino... the interior looks more like a pasar malam... hope singapore's one is better.
but the trip made me sort out some thoughts that were bugging me all along... i guess maybe it is time to solve some of the outstanding worries once and for all.
for trying to keep you in the dark... didn;t expect you to be so smart sia... but well... didn't want to spoil your mood lah.. [
Nick
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9:53 PM ] back to 2... and i just missed those two newborn's "eye-opening" ceremony by a few hours... [
Nick
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4:17 AM ] i'm now father to 4 cats (but should be back to 2 by tmr night)... 2 screaming newborns and 2 hyperactive kids. but it's fulfilling. i like it. [
Nick
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4:46 PM ] that i immediately went to look my grandma up after dinner. [
Nick
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1:45 AM ] From : [
Nick
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7:19 PM ] Hey Des, [
Nick
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3:26 PM ] finally.. after much thought.. i think i know what my problem is. [
Nick
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3:30 PM ] [
Nick
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3:06 PM ]__________________________________________________
dreaming about you last night just added on to my confusion. [
Nick
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11:09 AM ] been walking around the house the entire day, with no purpose or reason... don't feel like doing anything, don't feel like chatting with anyone... what's wrong with me??!! [
Nick
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3:05 PM ] there's so much going around, yet there is so little. [
Nick
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3:01 AM ]
sorry!
why is everything a matter of a few hours?
anyway, saw this in a show i just watched...
"the body asked the heart, 'when i am sick i go to the doctor. who do you go to if you're sick?'
the heart replied, 'there is no one who can heal me but myself.'
therefore we have our own ways and means to heal our hearts when they're not feeling well."
what's your method?
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
to any young punks who think that it's funny to handle newborns... you better get ur filthy hands off them... cos when u touch them, the mother cat WILL abandon them.
Monday, December 04, 2006
exams seem secondary now.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Sent : Sunday, December 3, 2006 9:06 AM
Subject : Coming home to singapore
Hello..
Just to let you know.. I'll be going back singapore .. Leaving seattle on 5 dec
evening ...tuching down singapore on 7th morning..
Hmmmm... Let' go for mongolia dinner in the evening ..ok? Nick...u join us,
right?
Cecilia -dad will pick me up
See you
Love desmond
7th sounds great.
I guess it's a little too late now. but it was just too abrupt. 3 hours was all it took for you to leave forever.
it just doesn't make sense. weren't you supposed to come back to SG in a few days? now why instead of you coming over, Cecilia has to go over to collect you back? it just doesn't make sense Des, that 3 hours ago we were talking about your return to SG and about not having cheese but baby food. 3 hours.
i'm so sorry for those emails i didn't reply... thought i would be able to reply them after my papers. cos i knew you would want me to concentrate on them.
i'm so sorry for that cheesecake that you baked for me, that i never got to eat.
i'm so sorry for not thanking you properly for the watches that you got me. esp the one that reminds me to drink water regularly.
i just hope that now you're happily up there, together with Bobby, in a land without pain, without worries.
We will miss you.
Your "son".
Saturday, December 02, 2006
with each failure comes more baggage. and with each baggage accumulated that doesn;t go away, it has come to a point when the fear to actually want to start something is there. not that i don't want to, but it's more like if i don't have to.. i shouldn't take the risk.
and all along along i have been motivating people to move on and be happy, i'm actually still stuck at the same spot myself.
(updated)
we were in my room, just talking about nothing in general. then a suddenly impulsive move from me revealed that i still do have feelings for you... but the good news was, you accepted what i said... finally...
i don't know if i smiled in my dream or not, but i knew i felt damn lost when i got up.
Friday, December 01, 2006
nothing seems to be able to hold my attention for long... yet i just feel that there's something missing... well this feeling isn't new... been experiencing it since eons ago.
was re-reading my blog in preparation to write my memoirs for 2006... read from jan to april... memories. you gotta hate it man.
shall try to study... still waiting for my boys to come... need them at a time like this. hah.
the void within. what's needed to fill it up?
it seems full, but it's actually empty.
tell me what am i still holding on to.