Plato
[
Nick
@
11:07 PM ]__________________________________________________
first it were my toes... now my fingers have cracks on them due to abrasions from holding my stick... well... luckily i have time for them to heal as the next training would be like on Mon... but blergh... no trainings means nothing to do... but thank goodness all my pre-planned activities fall on this week... [
Nick
@
10:59 PM ] [
Nick
@
9:19 PM ] it's kinda depressing when people who came in with the same vision as you start to lose faith and begin to quit.. [
Nick
@
2:57 AM ] [
Nick
@
9:54 PM ] a friend of mine once told me to go for whatever makes me happy. it's good advice... but sometimes maybe the circumstances don't allow... sometimes it's not like i don't want to be "go for it"... maybe it's excuses... i don't care... quite tired of everything now... [
Nick
@
12:21 AM ] It's Christmas Eve once again =] the time of the year when little kids eagerly expect their presents under the christmas tree... well there's no christmas tree at home this year... but i guess the greatest gift of all is being able to survive this year =P [
Nick
@
8:16 AM ] my entire body hurts. my knees, ankles and wrists are screaming for a break... and they're giving me signals... esp my right wrist area... it has been hurting since 2 weeks ago... [
Nick
@
11:36 PM ] consists of trainings, trainings and trainings. [
Nick
@
10:48 PM ] PL guys... this is for you.. [
Nick
@
12:33 AM ] got myself an early xmas present =] [
Nick
@
4:55 PM ] how would i describe my state of mind right now? [
Nick
@
3:26 PM ] It's almost the end of another year... guess it's time to do a wrap-up... [
Nick
@
12:10 AM ] "Doesn't mean that we don't have a car at home means you can't go learn to drive." [
Nick
@
1:38 PM ] ok you know I'm really bored when i'm watching tv =P [
Nick
@
2:32 AM ] I remember blogging about the movie 5 years ago... but this time... it's on the small screen... still one of the movies i really enjoy... and Tom Hanks is really a great actor... loved Forrest Gump too... really touching movie... [
Nick
@
12:39 AM ] I'm aching all over... will give anything for a good massage sia... [
Nick
@
11:29 PM ] What's the point in having a sports awards when there's nothing to fight for? [
Nick
@
10:08 PM ] APAC just finished... floorball camp coming up... 3 days of floorball all the way and yeah... looking forward to it... [
Nick
@
8:34 PM ] At this particular time you are feeling the results of extreme stress and you are seeking a 'way out' but you are pushing too hard. Obviously you need peace, tranquillity and contentment. Your temperament is such that you are hoping, unrealistically perhaps, that your desires will shortly be fulfilled (even if at this time you are not quite sure what those true aspirations may be!). [
Nick
@
1:23 AM ] i was thinking of you yesterday... were you? =P [
Nick
@
12:43 PM ] is just someone to hold my hand, walking down anywhere anytime... just enjoying each other's company... [
Nick
@
1:04 AM ] [
Nick
@
9:42 PM ]
tmr - biking
fri - jb with the ocomm for go-karting and seafood
sat - probable badminton session with jc peeps
sun - nua.
had training from 2 till 9 just now... thank goodness 3 hours out of the 7 were a bit slack cos siwei and i were conducting the session for the Saints players... kinda disappointing though... that the attendance for Saints is pathetic everytime... really feel like writing a mail but it's not a good time to disrupt the morale of the team now...
bit exhausted now... but the feeling is... shiok.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
My achievement for today..
had this Evo 6 model since like eons ago... but only finally got down to doing it today... well... ended up with lots of sticky fingers that are now hardened because i was using superglue... blergh... but well work's finished!
now to just grab a book and idle the rest of the evening away..
Monday, December 26, 2005
A great christmas present to myself...
went to my aunt's place yesterday and my cousin's friends asked me to play soccer with them... having no gear, i borrowed shoes from my cousin and this is the end product...
practically screamed in the shower last night... and this morning...
nonetheless... i endured 2 hrs of soccer, and 4 hrs of floorball today... mind over matter. was screaming inside in pain whenever i ran, whenever i braked... even walking's a problem... needless to say... training today was really bad.
my mind was wandering off elsewhere as well...
not that it matters anyway.
xmas wish? to feel so fatigued everyday that i don't think of anything else.
escapism... maybe it's a good way to go on about life nowadays... knowing the problem yet refusing to face it... increasing the load of baggage that never left you at all...
thanks amy for listening to my rubbish last night... really needed someone to hear me out...
once again.. things might never be the same.
i wrote that in may.
now again in december.
what a way to end the year.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Had a floorball free day yesterday... woke up after 12 hrs of sleep... went to bbdc for lesson 2 in the drizzle (shiok lah)... then dinner then went home to just nua like mad... continued reading Goblet Of Fire (never caught the movie in the end) until i eventually fell asleep at around 11... nuaaaaa.
Spree ended on Thurs... got second after losing to Moosemen in the finals... a bit wasted lah... we were 2-0 up at the break then we lost our game completely... blergh... to add to the loss i got a sore nose courtesy of an elbow from another player... haahaa... girls did pretty well too... they got into the finals after beating Pinkies but i guess HC's track record of 0 wins in a final continues =P sorry boss!
IVP's in another 2 weeks... anyone wants to go to NTU to watch the games?
Wish you could be there.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
but.
on court, the pain disappears. my mind is free and all i know is to run my legs out till i cannot feel them much anymore.
but the pain comes back after that. as i type my wrist is really giving me problems... sheet.
so far so good at the spree... drew moosemen, won RP, won NTU.
looking forward to tmr's final game against moosemen again.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
besides that nothing else much.
how exciting =]
Saturday, December 17, 2005
our dear small fat has got a huge credit card.
i'll be there anytime you need me.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
needs some tuning though... the crank creaks a bit when i step on it harder... but for $160, i'm not complaining =]
say goodbye to bus rides for the rest of the hols!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
i really don't know.
How would i describe this year... hmm.. probably one that didn't give me a lot to cheer about despite the efforts to actually try to find something positive in it... kinda sucks lah... don't think i'd ever have another year as bad as this... but well... better watch what i say... next year could be worse... but it just seems that i can only remember whatever was bad this year... let's start.
The year started off on an ominous note when AhBoy... my bundle of joy... passed away on the 30th of January... he hadn't been feeling well for the past 2 weeks prior to his death... sent him to a vet... and he came home still hyperactive and everything... i remember the morning he passed away... my mum came into the room and asked me if i wanted to go see AhBoy at 7am... i was like... "so early?"... then my mum said something like "yah go see him one last time.." and she started crying... i dunno whether was it shock or what... i didn't shed a tear until i saw AhBoy's body... his rigid body on the table... never to run around chasing us again... argh... but i guess my brother was more affected than anyone else... but it's kinda good that he's accepted another dog into his life... but i guess it's harder for me to do so... having lost Brownie in Sec 4... AhBoy this year... it's somehow emotionally numbing... i was surprised at how numb i felt... like i wanted to cry my eyes out to make it feel better but the tears just won't come... until today... i still don't know why...
January to April weekends were generally taken up by floorball so tt largely kept me occupied... plus the planning for Sports Camp... life was pretty hectic... but at least there was something to do... but well... something more significant happened during this period of time...
Got to know this girl... let's just call her P... through another friend... and it somehow turned out to be in the same tutorial class and in the same project group... i swear there was just something about her tt made me go "wah" on my first meeting with her... well... things kinda developed and March 15th was like one of the happiest days for me this year (and probably throughout my 22 years) when i managed to squeeze out a confession... the next one month plus was pure bliss... the regular running sessions to WCP, the mrt rides, stupid programming assignments... haahaa... the times with her were really happy... and i miss her a lot... i dunno what happened... but it just disintegrated? i didn't ask why... i still don't really know why... freak sia... think i'm just foolish in some way...
and i still miss her.
and from then on i think i'm just effectively screwing up my emotional life.
Went to KL with the floorball guys in June (or was it July?) and wah... it felt good lah! as in like... i was never really part of any sports team before... never got to travel as a team before... so it's damn shiok lah! Played Uni. of Malaya, scored (woohoo!) and spent some really good times with the team there =]
Rawa again! The Jinx gang's annual trips were still in session sia... but well... the place was slowly being destroyed by commercialisation... and i guess it's the last time we're gg back there... but nonetheless... the beach was still good, the stars at night were fabulous... the 2 days of peace was really good for us and our well-being =]
Sports camp came and went and along came another... let's call her H... haahaa till today i'm sorta puzzled why things would somehow develop... we're pretty different in many ways but i guess she brought out the "crazy" side of me... but i'm glad things turned out pretty ok... we're like still friends who would constantly bug each other =P
So went more than half the year... and it was finally time for me to step down from the Sports Club Comm... knew i couldn't commit for another year cos of floorball (got voted in as team manager earlier on)... and cos of a myraid of other reasons as well ba... but blergh... the elections didn't go all tt well... emotions and relations were strained... but luckily everything's still fine...
people i know tend to think that i'm really close to the mc... i guess tt's not very true... i'm only close to a few people... i'm not a crowd pleaser, i'm not an entertainer... so it figures tt i'm only closer to a few...
Stepped down and back to "civilian" life =P and the start of another school semester... decided to major in CNM and it was a good choice...
Thank God for my media writing tutorial class. the best class i had ever since stepping into NUS... my first tutorial class who would sit together during lects, makan together after tutorials, study together for exams... where to find? =P
October was a month of uncertainty... Dad got retrenched... and an already frugal lifestyle had to be even more frugal... not tt it mattered... thank goodness that i hadn't had much luxuries in life... no aircon in my room, no car, so it's like i'm pretty much fine with it... just probably gotta save more on food i guess...
and some asshole had to steal my bicycle.
so the sem just flew by like that... and now i'm standing on the edge of another year...
i guess i really have changed over this past year... i definitely have mellowed... to an extent sometimes i don't recognise the person i am looking at in the mirror anymore... all these experiences... think they're just making me more disillusioned about life each day... is there anything still worth celebrating in this life? well at least i know what i need to do in life now... my only aim is to see my little brother get a good life and a smooth passage up till marriage... after tt take care of my parents... tt's all i guess...
i still do have dreams... but with each passing day it seems tt the dreams are just drifting further and further away from me...
in short... this year had made me feel this way...
Confused. and hopelessly lost.
Special thanks for those who've seen me through this year... wouldn't be still here blogging if it weren't for u peeps...
Sunday, December 11, 2005
WTF. that's completely missing the entire point.
Driving is something i would only take up when i've started making a living for my own... it's something i don't expect my parents to provide for... but biking's different... it's something i enjoy doing... if it wasn't for the lack of funds then i wouldn't have stopped my lessons... now since i've got the time... why not take it up again?
just freaking pissed that my dad sometimes thinks in a negative sense when i tell him about stuff... he doesn't assume that i would be right... even for once?!
and they expect me to open up to them? and what... get ridiculed all the time?
forget it man.
anyway was watching this WWE (wrestling) tribute for Eddie Guerrero... and a thought just flashed into my mind... How would people remember you when you're gone?... all those kind words that i heard from other superstars about Eddie, will he ever hear them being said to him? Why wait till he's gone?
Guess we'll never fully understand the beauty of things until they're taken away from us... we humans are just that foolish.
Have you told your special someone how much you love them today?
Make that everyday.
After 6 days of floorball, my arms, hands and legs are screaming for a break... i'm having pains everywhere... guess i've been putting my body to its limit almost everyday... well tmr's gg to be a rest day... but blergh... kinda sucks to be at home...
Dad and Mum's going to KL on Tues till Fri... means home is going to be pretty empty... i forsee a week of instant noodles.
I'm just freaking bored... and when the body is idle, the mind will wander.
Can you believe what a year it's been...
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Floorball camp started on Mon... and thank goodness i had the team managers' meeting to attend... the guys went for a jog around sch and they were complaining to me that they were cramping all over and walked like 1/2 of the journey... haahaa... luckily i wasn't there sia! but overall the camp was good... glad that the juniors are bonding well =]
this mth is really going to be just floorball floorball floorball... given up looking for a job and so yeah... just play ah!
Monday, December 05, 2005
what's the point in fighting for anything when the school admin doesn't fight for more to help us improve in different ways?
it's kinda ironic... listening to the school admin talk about how they want the players to scale greater heights, bring glory to the school or gain international recognition when they themselves aren't helping us much... please lah... we're all students... sports is already like something extra to us... look for sponsors? we're not full time players of sports k? wake up your blardy idea!
i'm ranting cos SRC has declared they have no money! jerseys may not be sponsored, league registration fees may be to be borne by ourselves, etc... like... WTF.
seems that any comm i join... tt year cfm a lot of problems... i'm a jinx =]
escape.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
kinda means that there's nothing much to do in the hols except floorball, floorball, floorball and floorball... doubt i'd be working... the supervisor hasn't given Sharkie a reply, so yeah... kinda sian.
nothing really much to look forward to these days... guess it's just me.
and inevitably... the anti-social, moody streak is back...
guess it's good that's in the hols =P
i could get used to this... what do you call it... being alone?
You haven't been feeling that great lately. Both physically and mentally you are exhausted. To your best friends, those who know you and love you, it shows. Your self esteem has been reduced almost to a minimum and in order to recover - and recover you will - it is necessary that you get away from it all, even if it be only for a few days.
Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!
The stress and tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to your inability to achieve security and appreciation from those closest to you. This is resulting in considerable pressures. You find the situation as it stands most frustrating. You are the sort of person that would like to experience all and everything very intensely but unfortunately you are not receiving the warmth and understanding that you feel you are entitled to. Matters are not going too well. You seek a sympathetic ear but it is not forthcoming. This situation is extremely nerve-racking - and what is more humiliating is that no-one seems to care and you are powerless to do anything about it.
You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.
Friday, December 02, 2005
well it is the time to dream a little right?
anyway started a flickr acc... here... as usual... no pics of myself... just the usual...
angel of mine...
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Yup this was the poster i was talking about... it's on a notice board at YIH so i'll try to go back someday to rip it down hehheh =P it's just so impacting lah...
and yeah... i conclude... my phone takes better pictures at night when compared to my digi cam... wah i love my phone sia! sadly, these year's xmas lights are disappointing... everything points towards a bleak season... sian...
actually just back from a walk alone... went to Giant at IMM to check out the bicycles there... freak... the decent ones are like $369... damn sian... i miss my bike! $@#$#@!$ that idiot who took it... basket lor... i feel so trapped at home without my bike... DAMMIT!
exams finally ended today... time to embark on my december...
feeling damn restless now.
ugh... you again...