Plato
Felt pretty discouraged just now... after training... was thinking too much as usual... blergh... just realised that certain aspects of my life are not going too correct sia... [
Nick
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12:40 AM ]
Floorball -- FLOP. don't want to hear "good try" anymore...
Schoolwork -- FLOP. getting nowhere...
Clubwork -- FLOP. tons of work to be done.
Well... there's still time... so having identified the problems... i should know what to do right?
Well... I guess so. Maybe it's just the expectations I have for myself ba... thinking that maybe i could be an octopus and do everything well at the same time... well... guess i'm not tt eight legged creature sia... having doubts in my ability to accomplish things... sometimes it's not as easy as just setting your mind to it then trying to go about doing it...
I just think I need more resolve... and more courage... to actually do things tt i think can be done... without any fear of failure... bro just said it's natural to fall and pick yourself up in life... take risks... nothing comes easy... can't hide in my shell forever sia...
Accomplishable!
Amazing how you can light up a particularly gloomy day...
Haven't been sleeping well recently... I guess it's cos I've been thinking too much and too hard.. it now seems that I'm just giving myself undue stress... sometimes i just feel i have something to prove to people... that i am able to cope with whatever shit that comes along... that i like having my schedules packed to the brim (now to think of it i'm sorta regretting it... but well... i would complain of having nothing to do if i didn't pack stuff in)... all i wish for now is to get my damn clubwork done, get my schoolwork back on track and sports camp planning underway... [
Nick
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5:29 PM ]
Uncertainties have been bugging me recently... even more so after the talk with my cousin with the future... anyway I think i've come to a final choice... Major in History, apply for the MOE grant next year... and teach PE and hist i hope...
Thank goodness for those therapeutic hugs... without them... I would have been reduced to a state of insanity by now...
For you...
better blog something before other people flood my tagboard with "wah so bz to update ah" or "update leh" =P [
Nick
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7:53 PM ]
Life's been pretty good recently... well... feeling busier but at the same time happier... hmm... i just must say tt i'm a really lucky guy... and i thought 2005 is going to sucky... especially after that period when AhBoy passed away and stuff...
Going to have to study really soon... really need to catch up on work... Sports Camp planning is still underway... really hope i don't screw it up sia... sounds busy? hmm not really lah... still can tahan =]
Making some decisions about the future as well... wondering if I'm going to run for Sports Club again after this term... hmm... i don't think i can live w/o a clubroom, don't think i can live without having late nights in school... just don't really like the tons of work sometimes and i guess working with people is really difficult... decisions... decisions... well... still got time lah... gao dim school work, gao dim sports camp then see how ba =]
On a final note... hugs are therapeutic =]
I'm addicted to you =P do you know?
Finally home... ahh... nothing like a nice bath and a nice comfy bed =]feel so much better already =] [
Nick
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11:18 PM ] ... that I wasn't able to pen down in proper words... [
Nick
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1:57 AM ]__________________________________________________
Just back from a cycle to clear the mind... the haze is back... and geez... the air did smell foul... but well... still had a good cycle... feel a bit better... [
Nick
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1:27 AM ] Hmm... the rain sorta spoiled the plans for soccer this morn... but well... gives me a reason to stay in bed longer... shiok lah... can sleep more to prepare for this hectic week... [
Nick
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10:16 AM ] Back home... decided tt i need a good rest before what the seniors call the "Crunch-Time" match tmr... hmm... hope we win lah... at least no need to fight it out for the relegation battle =P [
Nick
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11:35 PM ] Went for a really long stroll around school just now... just felt the need to unwind a bit... and since my plans for WCP was thwarted by rain, a stroll was the next best thing... and it helped... feel bit more relaxed now... ready to face the world again =] the stars were pretty... despite a bit of clouds in the sky... well... [
Nick
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4:54 AM ] Everytime i come home with a bandaged ankle, my mum would always laugh at my "pig leg"... quite evil lah =P but well... listened to the advice to the people around me... went to a chinese sinseh for the first time in like 2 years plus... wah piang... the sinseh thinks my foot is made of rubber sia... not that I never got the twisting treatment before, but well... it's still pretty appalling that my foot can be twisted at such angles... [
Nick
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7:52 AM ] I've got 3 hours to decide if I should go training... [
Nick
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1:19 PM ] Feeling kinda angry at myself for being such a klutz... stepped into a pothole on the way back and great... now my left ankle's quite badly sprained... can't walk properly for nuts... how to farking go training later?! Damn angry at myself lah... why did i even think about running?! [
Nick
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3:38 AM ] It's pretty interesting how my dad would fill me in with current affairs and news about the family whenever I come back from extended stays in school... just like today... he was telling me about the number of 10 A1s the smart kids got for their O levels and also about the uni student who abandoned the baby in Toa Payoh(WTF?)... it's interesting lah... cos well I'm just about the last person in the family who can carry out a decent conversation despite times when we will end up in a debate... my mum would just be "huh?" and my brother would just end up arguing with him... pretty cool lah... having your dad as a newscaster haahaa... the only vice he has is that he (according to my mum) plays mahjong a bit too much =P oh... he can get a bit grouchy at times too... but well... used to it already sia =P [
Nick
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4:53 AM ]
Tampines was a pretty big pity... bus came 45mins late, and we only had like 1 hr plus of proper training time... WTH?! the amount of time we spend travelling was more than the playing time lah! But the place was huge... blergh... going to run like mad again this Sunday... and it's time my line scored... we have the best defensive record among the 3 lines but we have the worst offensive one muahahha... gambatte!!!
Orr orr loh!
If I wanted to try to fill the void... would you let me?
ScrewUps.Time.Space.Energy.Expectations.Nothing.Loser.
Floorball.OpenHouse."Yes"Man.Problems.INeedHelp.INeedYou.
Disappointments.Dependencies.SocialLife.Past.Fate.Present.
Destiny.Future.I'mScared.GivingUp.Can'tSeemToTry.
Loser.Loser.Loser
Nothing's really going right this semester... well... grades seem to be slipping, don't seem to be able to accomplish anything anymore... and i've somehow closed inwards... doesn't lead to a very healthy person eh...
Maybe it's just a period of low self esteem again...
Thinking of whether I wanna run again for the MC... and various reasons are prompting me to say no... but it's something i want to be in again... to be busy with school life... rather than just studying... but well... all these at the expense of my social life... am i prepared to give it up again? my social life now revolves around the MC... if i'm not there again... blergh... it's just sweet irony...
Why didn't I just starve a little to finish up my bike licence? just feel that it's damn wasted that i was so near yet so far... haahaa... thinking abt it... i really have nothing... shouldn't even think of anything when i have nothing to offer...
Giving up... yet again.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Had a pretty long chat with Bro last night about life's worries... well not really worries... it was more of a catchup session... and i guess i thought a bit about stuff too hard and too much that i feel as if i haven't had a wink at all... hmm well.. my thoughts are more at rest now... maybe i'll be able to sleep a bit better now
Need a new pouch sia... feel quite weird without one... went to town yesterday to take a look... OP didn't have any nice pouches, Billabong had a not bad one... but not the kind that i'd "WAH" at... hmm... i'll only buy stuff that i "wah" at... maybe i'll go queensway to look again when i go collect my glasses...
But for now... I just hope I won't die this week... haahaa...
I've waited all my life... to cross this line... to the only thing tt's true... so i will not hide... it's time to try... anything to be with you... all my life i've waited... this is true...
Friday, March 04, 2005
Feeling the heat a little... got quite a bit of stuff due next week and the week after... nvm ba... i'll just take it as it comes =]
In a pretty relaxed mood now... maybe it's home, maybe it's cos of the walk last nite... well... weather's good... time to snuggle in bed =]
Smile =]
Just reminds us that despite the bleakness, rays of light still glimmer in the horizon... don't lose heart =]
Always there for you...
Thursday, March 03, 2005
My bed at home is still the best place in the world =]
Can't stop thinking of you...
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
If I'm going to train... I could risk making the ankle worse and miss the game on Sat... If I don't... I wouldn't know any new playups we could use against the senior team... I'm in between these 2 choices... fwack... all these just because of a farking ankle...
Finally OFN's coming on friday to check... means either tonite or tmr nite i would have to stay over again to do work... and it isn't helping that logistics stuff are pretty cumbersome... immobility now is really taking its toll...
Someday I'll be the person you have always dreamed of...
Will wait till i feel a bit more cooled down... then maybe i'll get some rest and see how my ankle is later... and this wkend's match is the seniors vs the juniors... we've got something to prove against them... and i want to score... badly.
I wanna lay like this forever... until the sky comes down on me...
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
I like the freedom night gives me... walking back to clubroom now... strolling slowly in the cool air... plugged to my MD player and singing haahaa... things i won't really do in broad daylight sia... too bad the night is always so short =P
Nearly fell asleep just now watching stars... looking at them just brings me peace... brings me to a place where there is no misery, no sorrow and no disappointments =]
Life should be that way too!
I think I dreamed you into life =]